Flying Forward in Retirement!

Have you ever been at an event, a party, a social occasion, or even introduced to someone by a mutual acquaintance, and the question inevitably comes up: “So, what do you do?” In many situations, the way that question is asked, and the tone with which it is delivered, plus the milieu of connection, demands the response, ” I am a …….doctor, pilot, dentist, engineer, sales rep, …etc.” Have you ever heard someone say, as Robert Fulgham said in his best-selling book, All I Ever Needed to Know I learned in Kindergarten, “ I am a BREATHEUR?”  I’ve always wanted to say that myself, as I think it’s really clever and aptly describes what we all DO, that is, we BREATHE.  A friend of mine who lived in California noticed the difference in the answer to this question when she moved out to the high-energy, seriously professional, east coast environment. “Here, everyone answers with what their job is, and on the west coast, if you ask a person what they do, they will say, “I surf” or “I garden” or “I ride my bike/motorcyle/rollerblades!” This does beg the followup question, if you are transitioning to your post-career life and you’ve always answered your title, profession, or occupation, as what you do, WHAT WILL YOU SAY, AFTER YOU RETIRE?

It is the serious concern of our time, when one’s life, as it is perceived and valued by our society, is based on our profession rather than who we are as an individual. No wonder the transition to retirement is especially difficult for people who have been held in high esteem because of their position in life and not actually what they’ve DONE. To mitigate the sometimes traumatic and paralyzing effect of this transition or perceived loss of identity, it’s important to be proactively thinking of the answer to this question, “What do you do?” in terms outside of your work role. If you can complete the sentence, ” I am …..” without reference to a job, position, title (including parent and/or grandparent!) you begin to see yourself in terms of who you really are, not just what role you play in a company or firm. It’s a great exercise to really get started on the way you hope and dream the next chapter of your life will go. SURF’S UP!!

As bracket time rolls around, aka MARCH MADNESS, or the NCAA Basketball tournament, there’s a lot of talk about the ‘bubble’– teams that might be eligible for the tourney’s brackets, but need a crucial win or an opponent’s loss to put them in contention to go to the Big Dance. There are plenty of bubbles in life; events where some outside influences push you one way or another on a path, for good or for bad. Sometimes you are ‘on the bubble’– on the cusp of just getting a promotion or assignment but for the want of a few circumstances over which you have little control.

Sometimes though, you’re IN the bubble–being protected from external events or circumstances, and even are oblivious to everything going on outside your little world. I use the example of the college years as being bubble-like, particularly if you live on campus. Your world, such as it is, is contained to the confines and events of the school’s calendar, activities, and social life. Even the bigger news happenings of the larger world’s politics and environment have a diminished impact on you while you’re in the bubble of college life.  For myself, I’ll never forget my first assignment after college, living in Texas, and being horrified by the news of daily violence and killings! I really had no exposure to anything like that ( with no television of my own) and little inclination to seek out those type of current events while I was a student. It definitely was an abrupt reentry into the “real world” and the impression of that transition resonates with me today.

Another common period of a bubble-like existence is when a new baby joins the family. There is joy and intense focus on the needs of the baby, and certainly in the case of first-time parents, their world-view shifts. For some, it is a case of seeing the world with new eyes, but for many in the first weeks and months of a baby’s life, it is a honing in on or concentration on the immediate world, with respect to it’s newest member, and their focus narrows.

Maybe it’s human nature, but we seem to like and adapt well to being in a bubble, not purposely exposing ourselves to things, ideas, and situations which would change the status quo. Even if we know it’s coming we avoid the opportunities to safely explore what life is like outside our known comfort zone. This is exceedingly problematic when it comes to the transition to retirement. Where one could take the time and some thought to explore life outside the work bubble before actually retiring, many do not. Some reply, “I’ll deal with it when I get there.” Others say, “I’m so busy now I have no time to even think about what retirement is going to look like!” For many high-functioning and executive level folks, even alluding to a life after work is a concession to a connotation of old age and a ‘slowing down’ mentality. Most of those same individuals, being logical and in control, have set up their financial life choices wisely, to be fully prepared for the change in their personal economies after work ends. But even with this awareness, many will not explore the social or even status change that readily occurs when their career has ended.

I think it’s fair to say that we are psychologically wired to avoid discomfort and maybe even uncertainty, especially when it comes to our future. Given a choice, many would not want to know the specifics of their future life, even if it could be produced in a magic, crystal ball. But specifically, in leaving this bubble-like environment of full-time career and employment behind, it is more beneficial to your mind and health to start looking ahead, and thinking about life beyond the bubble. What will your days look like? Who will you spend time with? What is your heart’s desire in the next chapter of your life? These are a few simple questions to make a start at life outside the bubble.

Time- IT’S ALL RELATIVE!

It seems like if you look back on your working career, there was never enough time to do it all!  Of course, career requirements for most took up large chunks of days, weeks, and months, with leftovers of minutes or hours allotted to other concerns–families, vacations, activities with friends, and maybe even some travel or hobbies. I know that as a working parent, I was always juggling the tradeoffs of the demands of work life and the time required to be spent away with the life and role as a mother to my three kids. They say that time is like a currency and there’s rarely a way to ‘earn’ it; the trick is figuring out how to spend it to get the most value for your investment!

Yet when work requirements go away or diminish, as retirement looms, why is there another scarcity of time? I have to laugh at the irony of those who are in retirement who say there’s NOT ENOUGH TIME to do what they want! And it’s true, a sense of urgency and surely a matter of prioritization comes into focus when now there is time available, but also, many competing interests- more than ever- for that time!

I think for some, it’s an eye-opener to realize that their long-awaited dreams or hobbies can now be pursued, unimpeded by the interruptions that work required. My father-in-law, when asked if he missed flying the planes in his former occupation replied, “Heck no! I don’t know how I ever had time for work before!”  This was a pretty honest assessment of the way he had filled his days, working on cars and projects he had always wanted to pursue. But the fascinating perspective isn’t when retired people say, “I have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD to do what I want now that I’m no longer in the workforce” but when each person realizes that he or she does NOT have all the time in the world left. I don’t think it’s morbid to say–we are all terminal–we are! And there’s a point for some sooner than later, when we get the aha! that there is a finite amount of time left, to spend on people, activities, and things we value most.

So, there it is, the prioritization of our use of time in retirement. Many I have spoken to cannot envision what their retirement looks like, because they’ve been so busy working and juggling time-supply demands that they haven’t taken some moments, here and there prior to retirement day, to think about how they will spend that precious currency after work ends. Others who do recognize the limit of what is left, begin to feel somewhat anxious that they will not have the opportunity to realize a long-held dream or pursuit, understanding the nature of life and the effect on physical and/or mental abilities as we age. There is panic, not prioritization, and surely it cannot be a healthy condition to have this induced pressure or contrived stress about the limits of time left.

One more factor in considering your approach to retirement and use of that time is that with no hard demands or requirements, the time it takes to do something expands to the time you have ( known as Parkinson’s Law and related to the coefficient of inefficiency!). Ask any college student or retiree, and they will tell you it’s true! I’ve noticed this effect when there is one event on the calendar, say, a night out with friends or for dinner, and whereas you could dash over after a full day of work and putting kids to bed, now the entire late afternoon is devoted to “getting ready to go”, and even driving leisurely to the event. This kind of “relativity” can either cheer you or concern you, but it’s important to make an opportunity to think about what YOU want to do with your most valued currency – the time you have left. Some vision, some philosophy, and some consideration of what will bring you contentment in retirement is worthy of spending that time now, before you retire, to make the most of your time in the future!

I’ve been thinking about the use of my time lately, and as a person with an intense (sometimes!) work schedule, family responsibilities, and social and volunteer obligations, it often feels like I have NO TIME! Let me explain– the work I do is usually in blocks of days, leaving my home and traveling for at least 3 days, where I am in a different time zone, eating, sleeping, and trying to exercise, all off my usual “body clock”. As a result, and in order to keep forward progress on all of life’s requirements, I use a to do list to knock off bite-sized tasks that I can squeeze into the functional minutes of sometimes an hour here or there when I’m traveling. This routine started to transition over to my home life, where upon return, I had ‘catching up’ to do from my time away. And because of the nature of my job, I’ve been doing it for more than 20 years!

So, I guess you could say, it works. Tasks get done, more or less, and no one has come to repossess my car or turn off my electricity. Yet with all the attention to the tasks, I find myself asking, WHERE IS THE LIFE I WANT TO LEAD?  Is there really any time available to create or enjoy that kind of environment which lends itself to flow–an ability to get into a zone- be it a project, a book, or a hobby, and reap the benefit of what comes from losing all sense of time due to enjoyment of the process? Is that a necessary part of life? I think it is, and I also believe it isn’t something to aspire to only in retirement, when there seems to be more time than ever. It’s something to learn and incorporate into your life right now, in ways big or small.

The tendency for the transition to retirement, especially for people who have been time-constrained, is two-fold: one approach is to start tackling, in earnest, the growing to do list that went off the rails at some point during their working career. This is especially true if the to do list involves long-desired house and home projects that a couple wanted to see done, but could never find the time or attention to address. Basement and garage cleaning, photo organizing, thorough address of all stuff– decluttering and the like, are often on this list, and realistically could take months to accomplish. That’s the other attraction of the to do list– at the end of the day, month, year, you can say, I DID IT! Accomplishments are the driver of the endorphins which lift up our human spirits, and for new retirees it is critical to realize the lack of job-related lift needs to be replaced by another source of purpose. This is where the to do list can become a crutch to use to get through the natural difficulty in separation of self from a job-related identity when one retires.

The second tendency is for a new retiree looking for “problems to solve”. All of a sudden, the spouse’s method of roasting the chicken isn’t as efficient as it could be, according to the observing retiree. Or the kitchen “needs” to be reorganized-“why are the spatulas in the drawer, not next to the stove?”  This critical, and recent observation skill, to the retiree is a way to be  a more useful contributor to the household management, but it can also cause tremendous friction between partners who are BOTH adjusting to a new reality of life together.

I’m not saying that a to do list isn’t necessary or desired in a retirement transition–it provides tremendous relief to have the time now to get those nagging tasks done, so that there is more time for life. But I think the incorporation of new life events–volunteering, projects, and hobbies, can be an even more rewarding way to start the next chapter, and there should be enough time for the to do list and LIFE to be lived, in parallel.

ONE OF THE 7 QUALITIES TO NURTURE FOR A HAPPY RETIREMENT!

This will be the first in posts about the seven qualities you want to nurture and curate to lead to happiness in retirement. Those qualities are: CURIOSITY, RESILIENCE, PERSPECTIVE, GRATITUDE, TIME MANAGEMENT, ADAPTABILITY, and A 10 YEAR OLD’S JOY, otherwise known as, WONDER. Not only do these traits keep an attitude within bounds of happiness, but they also are essential to mastering a time of life when stressful situations and losses enter into the picture, particularly unexpected stresses. One thing about many people, if they are fortunate they have an adequate warning regarding an impending retirement, with some still looking forward to the day when they are not obliged to return to their current work scene again. Others may suffer an unexpected and accelerated end of their work life, due to health issues or economic ones, and there is little time to prepare psychologically for the big life change ahead. But having intentionally fostered these 7 qualities well before retirement, and maybe especially in one’s 50s and 60s, will provide a huge boost to one’s spirit and psyche when it’s time to retire.

I am concentrating on curiosity first because it’s an innate, natural tendency in every human, from the time they were able to lift their head off the bassinet mattress. If you think about an infant or a small child, their curiosity is how they learn about the big and small worlds around them–naturally exploring, first with their eyes, then with their hands and mouth, and ultimately crawling and propelling forward on two wobbly legs to discover, “WHAT’S OVER THERE?” When a young child discovers language, the verbal curiosity begins. ‘”WHAT’S THAT..? WHY DOES…? HOW COME….?” and natural learning connections are formed. There has been a concern that as one ages, those neural pathways and connections cannot be created, or as some say, “my brain’s hard drive is full!” but actually, the more one attempts something new, be it a physical activity or mental pursuit, the more neural pathways will be created and thrive.

So, what inhibits our curiosity as we grow, and how can we change that to embrace the questions and pursuits that are interesting? A couple of phenomena occur throughout the progression of life that inhibits our curiosity. One is that most people at age 5 or 6 got into an educational system where the information/content was delivered (not retrieved), we absorbed or learned it, and that information in large part was rarely or one time applied, as we moved through the formal education years. If there was an opportunity to get an in-depth look at a topic or subject of personal interest and spark, that plunge into further exploration would compete with the time allocated to all the other requirements of the student. The same was mostly true in traditional careers, where one began in apprentice or learner’s mode, and initial curiosity was pursued and satisfied, but inside the job it wasn’t relevant to progress to be curious. This inhibition or tamping down of curiosity is something that can and should be reversed, especially as one ages, but most particularly in retirement.

One of the key advantages of post-career life is the availability, to an extent, of more time. There is time to pursue new hobbies or passions, time to travel, write, create and be social. But it is also a stage where the absence of a daily routine or structure of career requirements, can cause the empty canvas of time to loom large, threatening the quality of this new life. Knowing that possibility, it is time to exercise and grow/develop the inner curiosity we all had as younger people throughout the different phases of life. One key feature of a curious mind is the need to ask questions and seek answers on anything that sparks more than a passing interest. A good place to start is to be curious about yourself, your life, your opinions, hopes and dreams. What shaped you? Which direction would you like to go if you have the time and resources?

How can one or two events, encounters or issues everyday lead to your greater curiosity? It might be research on an article you read, or learning how to get the beetles off of your garden plants, or even a new word you’ve read and never seen before! Leonardo da Vinci, one of the great geniuses of his time, cultivated and actively curated his curiosity about all things, every day of his life. And it was with this active curiosity, that several other desired qualities for happiness- in life and retirement- result: Perspective and Wonder.

The old journalists’ adage of asking the 5 W’s- who, what, where, when, why, as well as how, is a good place to begin to pursue the curious life. Right now, the newest technologies and businesses are labeled as “disrupters” because they’ve asked these questions, applying them to the traditional business models–asking, What works or doesn’t work? How can we do this better, differently? Why hasn’t a different approach been done before? How come a new thought process hasn’t been embraced yet? WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF……? Curiosity lends itself naturally to exploration and learning, and certainly to a sense of happiness and satisfaction in this new phase of life. What are you curious to discover, learn, explore, know? Start today–it will change your world!

 

I had a serendipitous encounter with a fellow pilot who, upon introduction, pulled out his phone and showed me the infamous “countdown clock”–how many days, hours and minutes left until he was officially retired. For pilots who go the distance, it’s on their 65th birthday–an ignominous way to enter retirement, or rather, end a career. First, the date of your birth should always be associated with celebration, and although many pilots eagerly look forward the the date when the will be “free” and unencumbered by scheduling their life in the days “off”, some are going less willingly and less hopeful than others.

That wasn’t the case with this 787 Captain. He told me happily he was looking forward to the next phase of life, and here’s why:  he had acquired ALL THE TOYS– a motorboat, a sailboat, an RV, fishing gear, a motorcycle, and many cars. Also, he had golf clubs which hadn’t been used very much, but were the latest in technology and class. I was impressed that he had prepared for every possible activity with the supporting equipment required, so I asked, “what do you plan to do?”  He smiled and said, “Well, I’ll play with my toys!” I said , “That’s so fantastic, but what will you do first, in the months, and year after retiring?’  He got a little bit of a blank look, and said, “Well, I haven’t really thought too much about it.”  As honest an answer as I’ve ever heard. Then as he spoke those words out loud, he started to understand that in 181 days, 10 hours, and 16 minutes, he would go into the “next phase” without considering the specifics of how it would go. Where he and his wife might live. Where they might want to travel. Or what he aspired to do–take a trip on his motorcycle or in the RV, go to the fishing holes of his youth, or sail the Caribbean. But most importantly, he did not have any vision of what his days would look like, in the months and year after retiring.

For pilots who spend their career, attending to the details of every flight, not having a plan for what is for some an abrupt life transition, can range from shock to depression, In piloting and in life, perception of control is a key ingredient to success and happiness in one’s environment. Quite possibly a lack of plan translates directly to a perceived lack of control. Anecdotally, many pilots manage this transition well, having purposefully considered their life choices as important as their financial choices. However, many other pilots choose to concentrate on the now, and instant gratification of today’s plan, accomplished successfully. Transitioning from a life of “one and done” flights or event plans, to the long-term outlook of finding meaning and purpose, and even fun, in the post-career years, can be exceedingly stressful without an earnest effort to address this need BEFORE ONE RETIRES!

In the pilots’ case, it’s not if you retire, but when. For other high-functioning career individuals, many express a similar concern, with an added caveat of “I’m too busy working to think about my retirement plans!” The remedy for these folks to avoid the first few months of “retirement shock” is to actively seek some kind of method or structure to flesh out what the first 6 months or year after retirement will hold. It can be an outline at the first go, but with just a bit more effort, some ideas and vision will emerge that can look like a PLAN! All this of course is in pencil–one cannot anticipate opportunities that come along or life events which alter the course of the plan’s route. But constructing this plan, and most importantly, writing it down and sharing it with a trusted partner, friend or retirement coach is the key to making that transition a healthy, positive, and happy one, for the new retiree.

How many days, hours, and minutes do you have left? What is YOUR PLAN for retirement?

 

Usually in retirement, or the next chapter, there is an IDENTITY SHIFT -from a career/working individual to the new status of “retiree”. There are many obvious and addressed issues of the difficulty many have when upon retirement, they “lose their identity”. It’s the source of many a troubled transition, and something that retirement coaches try to address well in advance of the D-date (Done!) – so that minimum harm or impact will be felt.

But a lesser known source of unhappiness and maybe even depression can be found even when someone is happy to face the next chapter. This type of issue is more of an IDENTITY RIFT, not a shift. Identity rift occurs when a person who has worked professionally for many years adapts herself to fit into each new role the job or career required, even though that identity isn’t truly a part of who she fundamentally is. It can be in the case where career progression means leaving behind friends who are subordinates as one is promoted up the chain. Or it can be a factor inherent in the demands of an accelerated career climb–learning to be, and molding one’s self to fit in with the hierarchy they move into.

A lot of this conforming is expected, desired, and rewarded, intrinsically and extrinsically–accolades and raises also make the need to conform palatable. But there is a point, in some of this working identity, at which an individual sacrifices or subordinates his own psychological and/or social makeup, to be a part of or to fit into the role the increased position is perceived to require. Some would say during that time in a career, one might lose a piece of themselves, or lose some essential part of their true identity.

So upon retirement, what happens? The need for the role-playing at the job ceases to exist and the new retiree can now truly be him or her real self. Except it isn’t that easy. The inherent problem in the shape-shifting, rewarded by some as being adaptable, means you now have gotten further away from who you fundamentally were, as a human, not just in a role. This even occurs within a family’s dynamic, where one spouse adapts to make it easier for the other’s new responsibilities, and at the same time is depleting their own essence, or at least watering down who they really are.

An example of this identity rift was when my father-in-law retired. After an exceptional career as a fighter pilot, squadron and group commander, he was truly looking forward to the day when he could be himself. His career’s demands, much of what he referred to as “game-playing”, as well as face-time appearances and important inspections and events, took his time away from what his true passion was, collecting and restoring Corvair automobiles.  Make no mistake, when he retired he was thrilled that he could spend 12 hours a day doing what he loved. And he plunged into it. But such an abrupt change, truly leaving behind friends, acquaintances, and the nuances of work that required so much but was often fulfilling, is very hard on the soul. Some folks cope by putting physical distance between them and their employee-related friends and events. Others do not ever look back, and calls for reunions or lunches go unheeded.

But the most difficult and challenging phenomenon of identity rift is when one reflects on the changes they made to fit in or conform to their work-related requirements, and harbor deep regret that they lost much time and truth to who they really are. One of my clients told me, poignantly, after retiring from a long airline career, “Now I feel like who I was truly meant to be, attending church regularly, volunteering, and creating a strong social connection in my community. Isn’t that a sad thing to say?” Of course, it is a gift to be yourself or find what makes you passionate and purposeful in retirement. The key to those who have necessarily changed in their careers is BEFORE RETIREMENT, try to rediscover the essence of you–what makes you tick, what makes your heart sing, and what the real you will look forward to when finding new time and opportunity in the next chapter.

Doesn’t any word with stress in it, stress you out? One of the biggest goals in most retirees’ lives is to reduce or eliminate all the stressors which were inherent to the job. For some it was the office politics, for others, it was the commute, and for many it was the time demands that were in conflict with their “real life”– life at home, with family, friends, or in pursuits of what they really wanted to do.

Of course, everyone is fully aware of the effects of stress on health and relationships in our lives.  Actually, that kind of stress is more specifically labeled distress, which creates physical harm to the body and mind.  The types of distress most recognize are those which happen in the normal course of life — loss, separation, injury or pain, but can also include BOREDOM and LACK OF MEANING in life. In the Holmes-Rohe Life Stress Inventory, a 1967 study of the correlation of life  events of stress on individual’s health, the stress related to retiring from work is 45 “life change units” (on a scale of 1-100 in ascending levels of stress), and number 10 on the list that shows a correlation between a life event and the effect on one’s physical health. Another predictor of how one will handle the big stressors, like death of a parent or spouse, mental troubles, or retirement, is how one handles the little stressors of life, like traffic jams, losing your keys, weather events or small arguments. The reaction to these small stressors, or hassles, can give tremendous insight as to how the big events will be handled in the future.

So as you’re approaching retirement, consider how you deal with the small daily hassles of life, and try to put into context the scale of your retirement event and the impact it may have on your health. There is good news here as well– a developed practice of daily uplifts can offset or even buffer against stress-related problems. Daily uplifts are the conscious, positive experiences or simple affirmations of positive response to something you see, feel, or do. Uplifts such as the joy as a manifestation of love for a family member (new grandchild?), relief at good news, pleasure in participating or seeing something you value and enjoy, like a walk or a performance, can actually act as a buffer against psychological stress. And if practiced intentionally, this can offset one’s physical harm by boosting one’s immune system response.

One interesting note about the impact of hassles and uplifts as we age: Our ability to cope with hassles as we grow older seems to diminish, and we are not as able to seek natural uplifts unless we actively look for them. So why am I looking for EUSTRESS? Eustress is another type of stress, but this one is beneficial stress, either psychological, physical, or biochemical. In Steven Covey’s The 8th Habit, he refers to the positive tension of where we are now to where we want to go. The most obvious example of this is having a meaningful  project or goal that uses our individual talents and passions. It is the type of stress that makes us feel alive and drives us towards the successful outcome of our goals. Having a life with meaning also boosts the immune system, increasing longevity, and contributes to a more enjoyable life.

As you enter into the phase of retirement, consider how the stress of the transition alone will impact you and which way you want to deal with it. Would you be better suited to start now in actively identifying and practicing your daily uplifts? You can also notice how you respond to the small hassles of life, and then choose to embark on your own path of meaning and life enjoyment, to make the most out of eustress in  retirement. Just do it!

I recently finished reading a fascinating book on productivity by Charles Duhigg, the author of The Power of Habit.   In Smarter, Faster, Better, Duhigg writes about how certain characteristics and features of our self life can lead to more productive and fulfilled existences. The very first idea is on motivation- what motivates people to get something done, how motivation works in our brains, and why being motivated is so important. Why does this matter in and approaching a retirement life? Many high functioning people who have led companies, captained airplanes, or owned successful businesses have gotten  a deep-seated and almost fully inherent sense of self-control, being in charge of their people, companies, and environments. With the reversion to a position in the next chapter of life, retirement, where there is a lack of focus or direction for what will happen next, there can be a loss of perception of (or actual) self-control. This phenomenon is common in neurological injuries or even in emotional dysfunction where the striatum, the part of the brain which lights up when we make decisions/choices and turns those into actions, is inhibited or restricted in some way.  The result is an apathy that can be paralyzing on a spectrum from not doing anything to not caring about anything.

Duhigg goes back to an anecdote regarding the Marines’ training program which was updated a few years back when it was noticed that the new recruits were often unable to make decisions, in crisis or not. The change was made from instead of learning techniques in decision-making to strengthening each individual’s internal locus of control–the belief that what choices they made effected the outcome of their tasks, projects, and life. This critical difference, applied in Marine boot camp, showed that as a learned skill, practicing the feeling of being in control of one’s destiny actually resulted in individuals choosing actions to get the desired results accomplished.

In retirement, the search for meaning and purpose often stymies people’s enjoyment of these years, where now there is time to do what one has been waiting to do for many years. Especially in abrupt or arbitrary departures- retirement due to illness, injury or birthdate- the sense of loss of control can be devastating. Once it is lost, it is very difficult to self-motivate and take action to regain that feeling from a dejected or depressed position. So the antidote to loss of motivation or drive to perform is twofold: choose meaningful and challenging goals, and always ask yourself, WHY?  Why do I want to walk the Camino de Compostela? Why do I want to volunteer as  a youth mentor? Why do I want to write a book on fly-fishing, baseball, dance or my passionate life interest? As Duhigg says, “CHOICES ARE NOT JUST EXPRESSIONS OF CONTROL, BUT ALSO AFFIRMATIONS OF OUR VALUES AND OUR GOALS.”*                                      

Knowing about this phenomenon in advance of the retirement event can be instrumental in making the transition tenable as well as uplifting. Even while in a working environment, we can start practicing to boost our motivation skills by seeking the answers–is this  experience meaningful? Why am I doing it? And take note of your responses. If you find there is a lack of self-motivation, try to create challenges for yourself and exercise this muscle of internal locus of control. Observe others who have successfully mastered a sense of contentment and purpose in their new phase of life and explore their motivation with those people. Finally, intentionally notice in your current environment how good it feels when you are in control. Reinforcing what you know, while you experience it, will help you recall that feeling if there is a shift in motivation when you retire. 

 

 

 

Remember when you were a child and the first day of school loomed large at the end of the summer? It’s that time again, and I reminisce, with my own personal memories, those of my 3 children, and now, the impressions of my daughter’s first day of school as a fifth grade teacher. Although the return nowadays isn’t the crisp autumn air I experienced as a kid in Windsor, Connecticut, after Labor Day and with a full glorious summer behind me, it is still the transition that is a universal experience– as a student, teacher or parent, practiced every single school year, up to and including college. There are the physical preparations: getting school supplies, anticipating clothing needs, and what kind of provisions will be required for the first days and weeks, like lunches, snacks, and extra notebooks or gym uniforms. Then there are the logistics– which bus to take or carpool, or if you are a teacher, how to leave to avoid the traffic but get to school with plenty of time to decompress and organize before the first child walks through the door and the day begins! A fair amount of adjustment or adaptation is required, whether you are a kindergarten student, a senior in high school, or a veteran educator, to make the new year seem doable–routines, habits, and procedures are set up to automate or put on “autopilot” those things which can be delegated to the every day events. Then there are the contingencies–what to do if the glitch happens– the bus doesn’t come, you forgot your lunch, your locker won’t open, or you’ve missed receiving or giving an essential tool to survive the first semester successfully! Do you remember the underlying stress and basic uncertainty in those first weeks of transition?

A very universal and highly reliable experience, for anyone who attended a school environment each year! What were some coping mechanisms from those many years of adaptation that can be applied to other significant transitions in life? The first is PERSPECTIVE– this has been done before, by many people and will continue to be done in the indefinite, foreseeable future! Just as there is an uncertain edge and nervousness about facing the first day of school– What will I be tasked to do? How will I fit in with the crowd of people on the same path? What can I do to make this transition a bit more enjoyable, and a little bit easier for me?–there are the same concerns in the uncertainty in facing a retirement transition. Another coping mechanism is REASSURING SELF CONFIDENCE, looking back from where you have come . If there is any doubt about future success in adapting to what lies ahead, refer to the past. Give yourself full credit for what has already been accomplished and know you have the same fundamental tools and talents for the future. I used this approach for my children, who after a long summer off would feel skittish about skills acquired then softened with no use over the summer break. Even reading about topics related to transition seems to boost one’s self confidence regarding success in the next chapter of life.

As an individual experience, it is regardless of the amount of perspective or self confidence one has as to how one adapts to any transition in life, much less the larger transition to retirement. What is certain is that the more thought, PREPARATION, and education applied and sought before the actual event, the more content, and daresay, happier one is in their retirement transition. How many have passed this milestone and how many more will follow in your footsteps on this path? As difficult or unpredictable the transition might be, it will still be what it always has been–and individual journey founded in the preparation for what lies ahead.